When we worked together at BoxTop Interactive and then at iXL in the dotcom days, my friend Andy Sullivan — who today runs western U.S. bizdev for the New York-based agency, R/GA — and I would collect the metaphors, superlatives and various descriptors of the Web that were rampant at the time and stitch them together into what we called The Ultimate Mission Statement.

By the time we got through with it, The Ultimate Mission Statement went like this:

In the internet space, we seek to build robust, webcentric, paradigm-shifting category-killer apps and generate
personalized position-accelerating target-demo-bullseye brand equity through relevant, regard-building, turn-key, tent-pole, top-of-mindshare, cradle-to-grave content management and sticky community-building eyeball-aggregation portal solutions for multiple use-case scenarios and response definitions by leveraging granular, disintermediated, mission-critical, Y2K-compliant e-commerce back-end B-to-B databases with rich-media webisodic broadband entertainment ghost-backing to create authentic de-composable viral marketing flashpoints in a ubiquitous, pre-IPO, utility-sensitive, dynamically-updateable, platform-agnostic, adaptive integrated information architecture positioned outside the box by several orders of magnitude for the new millennium. Really. (more…)